Why do the toilet gods hate me?

So there was a squat. Positioning check, allow for pressure check, go! Mmmm no toilet paper, ok use the hose and rinse, shake. Where is the flush button. WHERE IS THE FLUSHER!!!! Dont panic! Use the hose. Mmmm no more water. How many legs can I see from under the door? Oh eff! Why do the toilet gods hate me! I walked out apologizing.

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